Twistedtexan's Weblog

Begin rant here

Posted on: October 6, 2010

So when I became a parent I knew I would learn a lot of things.  I mean, it kinda comes with the territory.  You learn what your baby likes or dislikes, you learn what it’s like to function (heh, I use the word “function” loosely) on 4 hours of sleep, you learn that sometimes  you have to choose between a hot meal and a shower – and that you don’t get to have both.  The list goes on and on.   What I didn’t bargain for was learning that being pregnant/giving birth/raising a child are bigger hot-button issues than religion or politics.  I swear, I love Ravelry and all but sometimes the forums make me want to pitch my computer out the window.

It seems that everyone has an opinion about everything.

1.  I have a terrible track record with pregnancies; quite frankly I’m not very good at it.  So I had a few things (supplemental progesterone, daily baby aspirin, umpteen-bazillion ultrasounds) that helped me reach the finish line this time around.

tsk tsk… you shouldn’t have to rely on medicine.  Growing a baby is NATURAL.

Well, when you’ve lost two pregnancies and it looks like you’re heading that way with a third, give me a call.  I’ll betcha dollars to donuts that you’d do whatever it takes to ensure you don’t lose a third.

2.  I am not an overly large woman.  Yes I’m a bit *cough cough* fluffier than I would like, but overall I am not really built for birthin’ babies.  So when I went 40 weeks +2 days past my due date, my doctor said “We’re getting that baby outta there.  We’re doing an induction.” 

tsk tsk… you shouldn’t have to rely on medicine.  Birthing a baby is NATURAL.

Yeah well guess what, I got the epidural too.  And thank the PTB for it because when I labored at 9 cm for over 6 hours (on top of the previous 6 hours which had gone like gangbusters), the epidural was already in place for the emergency c-section.

tsk tsk… you shouldn’t have to rely on medicine.  Birthing a baby is NATURAL.

Yeah, go stuff yourself.  I had the c-section.  At that point I would have given birth to Little Miss Texan through my nostril if it meant she would be healthy, happy, and safe.

3.  Little Miss Texan has been raised on expressed breast milk.

tsk tsk… you shouldn’t have to rely on technology.  Breastfeeding a baby is NATURAL.

After spending weeks and countless sessions with a lactation consultant, at 4 weeks of age we finally decided that the Little Miss just wasn’t a good candidate for breastfeeding.  I gave it my all, and just because she gets her milk from a bottle rather than my bewb does not make me a horrible mother.  And you wanna know something?  I got a heck of a lot more sleep that way because the Hubbster could take over some of the night feedings. 

4.  Daycare.  Oh lawdy, daycare.  This one exhausts me so much that I can’t even get into it.  Ditto for the disposable diaper thing.

A couple of friends recently found out they’re expecting for the first time.  Since I’ve been given such “wonderful” unsolicited advice, my advice to them was as follows:

1.  You will receive a lot of unsolicited advice during your journey.  You will find that in this great world of ours there are a lot of militant boob-nazis, childbirth-nazis, homebirth/hospital birth-nazis, pro/con daycare-nazis, pro/con disposable and/or cloth diaper-nazis.  Do whatever works best for you, your husband, and your baby

2.  If someone offers to help clean your house, do a load of laundry, or cook you a meal do not be too proud.  Take them up on the offer.  You will be surprised to learn how many times you’ve missed a hot meal or shower, and you will never be more appreciative of either one until you’ve just had a baby.  (This advice was originally passed on to me by my girl J and she couldn’t have been more right.)

And my final piece of advice to them was:

3.  You’ll be astonished that your capacity to love will grow beyond anything you’ve ever imagined.  Cherish each and every moment. 

So yeah, that’s my big rant.  It’s not even all that rant-y, really.  I just felt the need to let out some of my frustrations because if any of this were to be brought up in the Ravelry forums, I’d be lynched by the aforementioned nazis.  I’m just a mom doing what’s best for me, the Hubbster, and Little Miss Texan.

Stay tuned, maybe tomorrow I’ll do my bathroom etiquette rant.


7 Responses to "Begin rant here"

I lubyoo, little mommy 🙂

I think it’s an eloquent rant and that you’re dead on with all points. The earth mother mentality over there is one of the things on my last nerve. You do what works for you and that precious baby and @#$% (cover her ears, please) anyone who says anything different.

You want I should bust some kneecaps?

There’s been a lot of talk among my little internet circle of friends lately on the irritation of parenting forums–particularly on Ravelry.

Natural, smatchural. When I got pregnant with C, the ONLY thing I wanted was a healthy baby at the end of it. Seriously. I didn’t think I could handle losing another pregnancy. I would have taken anything, done anything, sacrificed anything to get there.

And, can I say, you are my HERO for raising your young miss on expressed breast milk? I pumped for work and hated it with a passionate firey hatred. I honestly don’t know if I could have kept C on expressed breast milk if she didn’t nurse when we were at home and I have nothing but applause and admiration for women who do what you’re doing.

What is medicine and technology for if not to allow us to build happy, healthy families? Seems like fine uses of human knowledge and ingenuity to me.


Bah! I say stay away from Raverly forums that don’t have anything to with yarn. Really…they all are just a bunch of militants with too much time on their hands (not surprising since it takes a lot of work to keep a forum alive and running).

Those who understand infertility and pregnancy loss get it. Those who do not are lost causes. Just know that those of us who understand are in your corner. You pulled off a miracle, and you’ve got your ducks in a row for raising a wonderful daughter who will contribute to society.

Besides, as far as I know, diapering with Pampers versus cloth has never lead to a kid becoming a sociopath.

I had a talk like this with a friend who’s a new mom recently. She pointed out how judgemental people seem, even if they don’t mean to be. For instance, if she tells people her son goes to daycare the stay-at-home moms instantly think she’s judging them even though she’s not; and vice-versa it feels the same to her when people say they stay home.

I don’t think MOST people intend to denegrate others’ choices; I think they’re just unthoughtful and imprecise with their words. But the people who DO chose to be intolerant and self-important … blegh, don’t waste too much time worrying about them. They’ll stay in their own little cliques (in real life) where no one ever challenges their “wisdom.” The internet is a culture shock to people who’ve never met a new idea.

The same friend pointed out to me that feminism was supposed to let us all make the choices that make us happiest, but it seems lately that feminism makes us feel guilty for not choosing certain things. Screw it and do what’s best for you and your family!

I’ve become good friends with the “Hide User” button on the Ravelry forums. There are a few that I still really like and actually use for commiseration and advice and entertainment, but I’ve grown tired of the advice when all I want is, “Oh yeah, that DOES suck. Good luck!”

I ❤ my epidurals. Both of them.

I had an epidural, breastfed for only 2 weeks, used daycare, used disposable diapers and my daughter turned out so awesome! I think those minute variables are emphasized more over good parenting nowadays. You’ll have good parenting in SPADES dahlin’. No worries.

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